Things have happened in the past, right?
But the past isn’t a container or a place. Its the current traces of events that are over and out, done, traces of events no longer happening. Memories are like tree rings or a gully. They may mark our growth or changes but they don’t exist anymore than the seasons that formed a tree rings exists, or the same water that formed the gully still exists.
Memories occur when experiences are partially recreated from the neurological traces of events that no longer exist. Memories aren’t stored like bits of data or photographs. They are assembled from different areas of the brain, and each time they are assembled, parts can be lost, modified, or mixed up with parts of other memories. They bring up images, feelings, emotions, and thoughts, and along with them the more or less strong feeling that those events are still real.
But not only are they not real, each time we remember them they are changed in some way, then the new version is stored. Like a rumor past through a dozen nosy people, it doesn’t take long for some memories to become so warped that we might remember saying something when it was really someone else that said it, or have vivid memories of events that never happened but are the mutated result of re-membering other events.
Suppose you feel guilty about something you did “in” the past. The memory recreates the feeling you had when you did it, along with feeling guilty about it, whether or not the guilt was added at the same time or much later. Every time you remember something you reinforce the parts you remember and store it along with the things you’ve added. So if every time you remember something you dwell on the feelings of guilt associated with it, you reinforce the memory of guilt.
That might seem appropriate for a while if you really think that feeling guilty is an appropriate punishment you should impose on yourself. But if the purpose of punishment is to change behavior and you’ve learned your lesson, maybe it’s time to change your memory. For instance, you can start thinking about the lessons you learned when the memory comes up instead of dwelling on the guilt. That takes your personal responsibility to another level. You can decide to stop feeling guilty and start remembering the right thing to do.
Continuing to focus on just the negative feelings about the past has limited value. Take advantage of the fact that the past isn’t “written in stone.” It is written in gooey brain stuff that you can change by deliberately thinking about things in a different way. Respect the facts of the past but make choices about how you want to remember them, and what you want them to remind you about. In this way, reminding yourself that the past doesn’t exist can be liberating! It means you have choices about how to reassemble its traces.
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